A few days ago, as I was driving to work, I realized: “I’m not completely satisfied with how I’m living my life . . . but I don’t know what I want my life to look like. Without a vision of where I’m going, it will be challenging to ever get there.”
So, Carter and I sat down and talked about how we want our life together to be. We painted a picture in our minds of what a satisfying life would look like for both of us. And with that picture in our minds, we can work towards creating that life instead of sitting back and hoping it will come true for us.
Here’s what we came up with:
1. Our relationship comes first. We will enjoy our marriage. As someone very wise suggested to me, we will begin each day by asking ourselves, “How can I make my spouse’s life better today?”
2. We will create healthier interpersonal boundaries. I spend a disproportionate amount of my time worrying about everyone else: Are they going to be ok? How can I help them? How can I take care of everyone else? But there’s nothing that I can do to make others’ problems go away — they can only do that for themselves. When I try to help everyone else, I stop taking care of myself, and my own problems get worse. Carter and I will be there for family and friends, love them unconditionally, and help guide them in their decisions, and we will accept that we don’t have the means or the mental capacity to mend their lives.
3. We will work towards creating a healthier work-life balance.
4. Rather than trying to take on all the projects I want to pursue, I will devote my energy to the few projects that are most important to me:
- I will become a better preschool teacher by reading up on classroom management, planning creative activities, and learning as much as I can about my career choice.
- I love to write, but I spend so much time writing blog posts that I’ve neglected my dream of writing a book. So, I’ve changed my plans to start a new blog and instead will be working on the book I’ve always wanted to write.
5. We will create a life worth being present in. For us, that means spending time with our pets, being active in the outdoors, exploring the world around us, traveling, exploring spirituality, and enjoying good food in a balanced way.
[Hiking in Waimea Canyon, Kauai]
Currently, I’m going to a cognitive behavioral therapist and completing “The Dialectical Behavior Skills Workbook for Bulimia.” I am doing both of these things in order to overcome my remaining eating disorder symptoms and to act for my purpose: to create a life worth being present in. When I use eating disorder symptoms, I am “checking out” of my life and saying that my life is not worth living. It’s sad to be blessed with the gift of life only to check out of it.
That’s why, starting now, I choose to be present in the current moment. When I am tempted to check out, I will ask myself, “How can I create a life worth being present in?” I will ask myself if I’m living the life that Carter and I have decided we want to live.
Goodbye to the wonderful blogging community. It’s been a wonderful adventure — now it’s time for a new one.
